Clueless
by akaeve
Summary: The team have to solve a distressing case. Based on the cluedo game.


**Clue-less**

The body, no the victim, lay on the green. The seven iron close by. Gibbs shivered, it brought back memories.

"Ah Jethro…..look familiar?" Dr Mallard now asked walking to the body.

"Not quite…..I'm still alive. She wasn't the best swinger in town, and anyway I ducked, but the seven iron yes."

"Good, so who do we have Jethro?"

"Colonel Black." Gibbs now replied.

"Ah, Colonel Black, dead on the green. His red blood, being absorbed into the brown earth." Duks answered smiling.

"You think I had a problem." Gibbs now questioned, now looking at the white golf ball lying where the Colonel had pitched it.

"Personally I would have used a sand wedge." Dr Mallard now announced.

"Could try the shaft for prints? Better get it to Abbs." Gibbs said, turning and looking for the team.

"Jethro if the murderer is so good, he…or she…," seeing the look in Gibbs eyes, "Would have used golfing gloves. A better grip."

"So Mr Palmer," seeing Jimmy appear from over the bunker, "What would you say was the cause of death?"

"An educated guess, a blunt force trauma to the left side of the cranium, causing an indentation to the allow the body fluid to seep out. Probably done by said seven iron." Jimmy replied.

"Very good, Mr Palmer, now time of death?" Ducky enquired, watching Jimmy now take the liver probe from the body.

"I would say approximately 05.30." Jimmy answered.

"So would I, but then Jethro you already knew that, didn't you?" now turning to look at Gibbs.

"How would Agent Gibbs know, unless he was here…" Jimmy answered.

"Jimmy, watch." Gibbs replied.

"Oh I am Agent Gibbs." Now looking down, at the body.

"No watch." Gibbs again said.

"I am watching," the young man replied beginning to look worried, and looking back and forward between the older men, and then noticing, Gibbs, point to the wrist.

"Oh watch, as in watch." looking at the time 05.15, and the shattered glass, spread on the green.

-oOo-

"So give me a clue Abbs." Tim asked standing staring at the screen.

"Nothing."

"Nothing?" he replied.

"Exactly, nothing. The murderer was wearing gloves, but by the dust imprints left by the suede, a woman."

"You sure Abbs?" Gibbs asked, as he walked through the door with a café-pow.

"Gibbs, have I ever lied to you? Well maybe a couple of times," she replied, "But definitely a woman." as she heard Gibbs cell ring.

"Yep…Tim you're with me now." As he turned, and walked out the door.

Tim duly followed.

-oOo-

The woman lay face down on the floor. The iron, still in her hand. The blood congealed like the blackcurrant jam, spread across the work top.

"Bit messy," Tony questioned.

A bobby pin lay stuck in the scarlet blood that had turned so dark, as the iron in it oxidised. The woman's hair stuck to the iron and the blood.

"Bag, and tag, what you can." He commanded.

"I don't think she hit herself Jethro, before you wonder. I would say yes she had been ironing, and finished was putting the iron away after it had cooled." Dr Mallard offered.

"But why the blackcurrant jam?" Ziva asked.

"Maybe she was hungry." Jimmy replied.

"Are you playing give us a clue?" Tony asked, "'Cos I was always very good at that."

"DiNozzo, the clues are here yes, so bag and tag. Duks, you bag and tag the body."

"What you going to do Boss." Tim questioned.

"Gonna bag me, a jam sandwich." Swipping the jar of jam and putting in a bag.

"Why do I feel he is not taking this case serious?" Ziva asked Tony.

-oOo-

They sat in the bullpen watching Gibbs.

"What? It's a jam sandwich. Blackcurrant jam, full of vitamin C and sugar. I need energy." Gibbs slobbered.

"But it looks just like the blood." Ziva replied.

"And the lumpy bits?" Gibbs questioned.

"Brains, which I don't think our illustrious leader thinks we have." Tony answered, "And you think I'm a messy eater." looking across at Gibbs.

"Ok, if you think. We have a dead Colonel Black, killed with a 7 iron. We have a Mrs White, killed with an iron, her brains looking like blackcurrant jam. Where is the dog, Hogarth?" Gibbs now enquired, "Anyone seen, the dog?"

"Thought you said Hogwarts Jethro," as Dr Mallard entered the bullpen, "You realise Hogwarts is located somewhere in Scotland. It is of course only accessible only by the _The West Highland Railway Line__**,**_ running between Fort William and Mallaig."

"Dr Mallard didn't realise you were a Harry Potter fan." Jimmy smiled now joining the conversation.

"Harry Potter, oh yes, written by another Scottish great writer, ranked alongside Sir Walter Scott and Sir Author Conan Doyle and of course, Ian Rankin and Iain Banks."Dr Mallard replied. "No I was actually thinking, Reverand Green, a song by Animal Collective or even a reference to the Village Green Preservation Society "god save strawberry jam, from the different varieties"…by the Kinks, a good British popular group from the 1960's."

"But Duks it's blackcurrant jam." Gibbs replied, now standing, and looking at Duks in a new light, "But what kind of kinks do you have?"

"Wouldn't you like to know Jethro?" Duks answered, "But you do have a splodge on your chin," offering Jethro his handkerchief.

"Duks, so we know that both victims died of severe blunt force trauma?" Gibbs questioned, "We have that much in common? Ziva find out where the dog is," looking at the agent.

"The dog? Why would I look for a dog?" she quizzed, "How do you know there is a dog involved?"

"Two clues, which were pretty obvious. The kennel in the garden, and the dog food in the cupboard. Also if you count the brush, and strand of fur Duks found on the blood soaked head of our second victim."

"Duks say, what kind of dog, Boss?" Tony now enquired.

"No, but Abby says try a Shitsu….name of Kate." Gibbs added.

"Wow she is getting good…or did you make that bit up? I know you're getting me back for when I was chained and…." Tony asked looking at Gibbs.

"And some idiot got your number for the VW" Tim added.

"I do not know of this joke …do I?" Ziva asked, now seeing everyone laugh.

"My dear it was before your time, but yes Jethro," now turning and looking at Gibbs, "How did you know the dog was called Kate?" Duks concluded.

"Didn't, it's called Hogarth, Kate was a red herring….which if you looked in the refrigerator, as I did getting the butter for the sandwich, was there."

"Kate was in the refrigerator?" Ziva asked puzzled.

"No the red herring" Gibbs replied.

"Boss, will you stop talking in riddles and give me a clue as to what I need to do." Tony now shouted.

"That rhymed Tony. That was good." Tim now laughed, looking over at Tony, who glowered

As Gibbs rose and wiped his mouth with his sleeve, he made to leave.

"Where you going, Boss?" Tim enquired.

"The head…wanna join me. I mean I need to wash my face and hands."

"Pass." Tim concluded.

-oOo-

Tony sat with Ziva in the car.

"What's up with the Boss? I don't seem to have seen him like this before." Ziva now asked Tony.

"Wouldn't worry,"Tony replied, flicking popcorn into his mouth, "He always goes a bit funny at this time of the year. Duks says it's the effects of the seven iron, which one of his ex-wives hit him with."

"Thought it was the baseball bat?" Ziva replied, looking puzzled.

"Oh, he got hit with one of them too. " Tony now answered.

They didn't see Tim sneak up along the side of the parking lot and open the rear passenger door.

"You're both dead." He whispered as he placed two fingers against Ziva's head, "You didn't see me did you?"

"Nope, on my lunch hour, and I do not fight bad guys on an empty stomach. But hey, McSneaky, what you done with the Boss?" as he turned side wards, and saw the smirk on Gibbs face.

Tony wound the window down, and smiled at Gibbs, "Pop-corn?" he offered.

"Nope, but you had all better get moving, dead body found over at the Marine Barracks , a Captain Gray." Gibbs shouted as he walked over to his car.

"Can I ride with you please?" Tim pleaded, as they looked at Gibbs in the car, tapping the steering wheel and flashing the lights.

"Better not Probie, I mean he is looking mean, you can see the whites of his eyes and he is beginning to steam at the ears."

"Thought that was the extra strong mustard he had in the roast beef sandwich, making him do that. Tim replied opening the door and striding over to the car. He got in only to get a head slap from Gibbs.

"Ouch, that hurt." Tony said rubbing his head. Ziva put the car into gear and followed the now rubber burning Gibbs out into the main street.

-oOo-

They arrived at the Barracks and were shown to the deceased by a distinguished gentleman.

"Name?" Gibbs shouted.

"Captain Gray." The man replied.

"So Captain Gray…" Gibbs started to say.

"No…. the deceased is Captain Gray, I'm Professor Plummet. I lecture in psychological warfare. An extremely interesting subject, but can, in some cases cause the listener to fall asleep. I have however never actually killed someone with my stories. I don't suppose you know of anyone like that?" as he looked at Gibbs and Gibbs thought of Dr Mallard. Maybe the two should meet.

"So Professor, have you any idea, other than boredom, what the Captain might have died from?" Gibbs asked.

"That I thought was your job?" He replied now looking sad.

"Ah Jethro there you are. What do we have here?" Dr Mallard now enquired.

"We have a Captain Gray dead, and this is Professor Plummet." Gibbs pointed at the Professor

"Captain Gray, dead in the auditorium. No immediate signs of injury, but then again we can only see his front. If Mr Palmer you would be so kind as to lean our future guest forward we will see if there are any visible wounds." As he indicated, to Jimmy.

The two men pulled the body forward, and there on the neck was a small syringe, sticking out the main artery.

"Well gentlemen we seem to have the means, but the substance and the person who did this evil deed, will be determined when we return to HQ" Ducky announced.

"Professor Plummet, I need to ask you some questions, because right now you seem to be my only witness, and suspect." Gibbs now replied, opening his little black book.

"Agent Gibbs, I find this most distressing. I suffer from myopia, and have to wear glasses, but due to severe low self-esteem, I find it difficult to talk in front of a crowd if I can see their faces…..So I don't wear my spectacles."

Gibbs thought great, he hasn't a clue then.

He heard the commotion approach.

"Boss we got another body, a but it, looks like this one fell…." Ziva began.

"Where has it fallen to?" Gibbs asked.

"Would like to say it's hanging about." Tim smiled.

"Suspended in time." Tony added.

"What the boys are trying to say, is suicide. The guy hung himself." Ziva now answered.

"Great," Ducky replied, "I love multiple deaths," as he walked away, "Oh yes, we'll come back for this body Mr Palmer. I mean he is not going anywhere, is he?"

-oOo-

They sat round the bullpen the evidence before them. Well not really the evidence, more the pics and the jam sandwich, which was now curling up at the edges, and rocking back and forward to itself, singing.

"Gonna eat that Boss?" Tony asked, pointing at the sandwich.

"Nope why?" Gibbs questioned.

"Good 'cos I'm hungry." as Tony devoured the said evidence, "And it's singing out of tune."

"Look we got to get this together and solve the puzzle." Gibbs shouted.

"Boss?" Tim now asked looking at his screen, "I got a message, or should I say we, got a message."

_I'M Sorry. Losers. Everyone. Scarlet._

"Look how the main letters are capitalised. It spells IMSLES…mean anything to anyone?" Gibbs questioned.

"Some foreign terrorist group?" Tony offered.

"I'll google." Ziva said, turning to her computer.

"Look we have a Colonel Black, killed by a 7 iron, on the green. Mrs White killed by an iron, in the kitchen. Captain Gray dead in the auditorium, a Professor Plummet, and now a letter from Scarlet…and you guys haven't a clue." Gibbs shouted.

"Do you, Boss?" the team argued back.

"I do like to see the team at their best Mr Palmer." Dr Mallard observed.

"So do I Dr Mallard, and really they have no clue do they?" Jimmy added.

Everyone listened, as the elevator pinged and opened. They watched as a young woman was guided towards the team. They heard a dog bark.

"Good at ventriloquism then McVoicy?" He asked.

"I didn't throw my voice." Tim answered as they saw a wet nose appear round the corner.

The woman stopped and thanked the man. The dog sat.

"Please I am looking for an Agent Gibbs? My name is Scarlet, and I am Colonel Black's, niece and Mrs White was my foster mother."

"Quick then." Tony whispered, "Wonder if she wrote the e-mail from the internet café round the corner?"

"I may be blind," as she turned to look in the direction of Tony's voice," but I am not deaf."

"Sorry." He muttered.

"Please, this e-mail what does it say?" she now asked.

Tim read it out to Scarlet.

"No please I need to hear it as it is written, you need to tell me where the, commas and full stops are please."

As Tim read it out again, Gibbs watched the woman's face.

"Agent Gibbs," she said facing Jethro, "That is a suicide note. Do you have anymore bodies?"

"We have two, why?"

"When, I turned to the house, after my schooling. I went to find Hogarth. He ran away, you see." She spoke.

"Or chasing someone." Gibbs offered.

"When I did come home, the local Leos told me about my mother. They told me you had been to the murder scene." Scarlet replied.

"I need to know the relationship….." as it slowly began to dawn on Gibbs, "Your uncle and your foster mother were in a relationship, hence the reason we were called to the second scene. But tell me what has Simon Jones got to do with this puzzle."

"Simon is….was my boyfriend." Scarlet now replied.

-oOo-

"Scarlet," as Gibbs led the now shaking woman to a chair, "Simon is dead, he hanged himself from the stairs, at the Marine Barracks. I'm sorry but I need to know all about him. Take your time."

"Agent Gibbs could I have some water please?" she now asked.

Ziva went to get a cup. Gibbs knelt down by the young girl and stroked the dog's ears. The dog relaxed and stretched out at his mistress' feet.

"Scarlet, when you are ready," as Ziva handed her the plastic cup.

"Simon was my boyfriend. Yes…..he had been a Marine Cadet, he couldn't stand it really. He wasn't…he didn't have the aptitude. Colonel Black had made him join…..No that is not really true. He, Simon….we were brought up in a home. Me…. I had lost my parents in an automobile accident which made me blind. My father was a Navy Officer, my mother a secretary to the Navy. I didn't have any family except my uncle, but he was always away, he didn't have a wife. Simons' father was a Marine, but killed in action in Iraq. His mum was sensitive. She had a history of self-harm. Only one night instead of just cutting her arm…" Gibbs saw the tears run down her cheeks, from under the dark glasses. He wiped them away with his fingers.

"Scarlet?" Gibbs asked gently, "What happened?"

"Simon had found her body in a sea of blood…he was taken into the home. We bonded in a way. I can still see my parents lying there in…a pool… of blood, before my sight went. I'm sorry." She sobbed.

"Scarlet, why did Simon kill? My forensic officer says the 7 iron was held by a woman, but the force to your uncle's head had the force of a man." Gibbs continued.

"My uncle was teaching me golf. As I said, I may be blind but not deaf, I can hear distance and we were trying to teach me to putt if he stood behind the hole. I learnt how to tee off too."

"But Scarlet why did Simon kill?" Gibbs asked again quietly.

"He said he had too. He said he had to revenge. If his father hadn't died, his mother might still have been alive. My uncle was trying to let the Marines discipline his urges and frustrations into something useful."

"Why Captain Gray?" Gibbs continued.

"One of Simon's Commanding Officers'. Simon said he was always getting at him. He couldn't do anything right." Scarlet continued.

"Was he ever violent towards you?" Ziva now asked looking at the woman.

"No, he liked me. We never….did anything…..you know. We were friends. I suppose. He thought of me like a sister." She replied, her face tilting up to Ziva's voice.

"Scarlet, what will happen to you now. You have lost your home, your uncle? Do you have a clue what you intend to do?" Tony now asked realising what he had said was insensitive.

"No…..I suppose it will be accommodation for homeless people. I don't know if my college may have a room, but Hogarth, I can't bear for him to leave me. He is, my everything." Scarlet cried quietly.

"Gibbs, I know there is an empty apartment, on the ground floor, in my block." Tim offered. " I mean, my sister isn't much older than you, Scarlet, you have a dog, and dogs are allowed. I could ask the owner if she would….Gibbs I'll keep an eye on her."

Gibbs smiled and looked at the young woman. "Well…..Scarlet, want to give it a go. I don't know how you'll pay for the…"

"Agent Gibbs. I have money. It was what my parents left in trust, so I am not destitute. I can pay my way, so. Agent…" as she now turned, to face Tim's voice.

"McGee, but call me Tim."

"Tim, that would be good. But now I have my uncles funeral to arrange. I will be staying at my foster mothers until it is sold. I mean I am not family, and it would really cost too much for me to purchase, unless my uncle has left me anything. I would like to think I could but….." she now answered, beginning to stand. The dog stood.

"I'll see you out," Tim offered, looking at Gibbs, who nodded. He watched as Tim guided Scarlet to the elevator and watch as the door shut.

"Bit sad." Tony offered.

"At least we know the outcome, but surely there must be something the Marines can do for her?" Ziva said quietly.

"Not really Ziva, just the social works department, but if Tim can get her the apartment in the short or long term, and we see if she can afford the house, maybe things won't be so bad for her." Gibbs now answered looking at the pair, "But, I thought for a moment there, Tim had a sparkle in his eye." as he began to smile. "Now let's get the report done please." As he placed his glasses on his nose and looked at his paperwork.

The End


End file.
